Criminal activity – Press Release – Westminster Morris Dancers

For Immediate Release: Westminster Morris Dancers Issue Statement Refuting Involvement in Train Robbery; Claim Role in Foiling Culprits. The Westminster Morris Dancers today released an official statement addressing recent speculation linking the team to the aftermath of the now-infamous Great Train Robbery. The group categorically denies any participation in, knowledge of, or proximity to criminal wrongdoing, stating that their presence at the property later identified as the robbers’ hideout was purely for the purpose of “legitimate cultural activity and the advancement of traditional English folk dance.”

According to the Westminster Morris Dancers, the team arrived at the location — since repurposed by the Ministry of Education for the newly relocated St Trinian’s School — for a scheduled practice session. Unbeknownst to them, the robbers had previously hidden stolen funds on the premises.

“Any suggestion that our dancers were involved in the concealment, transfer, or safeguarding of illicit funds is wholly unfounded,” the statement reads. “We were there to dance, not to steal.”

The dancers instead assert that their presence significantly impeded the criminals’ attempt to recover the stolen money, noting that several escape routes were “inadvertently and repeatedly obstructed” by enthusiastic performances of traditional sets.

“We are proud to confirm that our impeccable timing, vigorous footwork, and strategic stick displays contributed directly to the disruption of the criminals’ plans,” said a spokesperson. “While we did not set out to foil a major robbery, we recognise that the Westminster Morris Dancers played a crucial — if accidental — role in preventing further unlawful activity.”

The team emphasises that they remain fully cooperative with the authorities and will continue to uphold the highest standards of folk tradition, public service, and being generally underfoot at moments of national importance.